{"id":14721,"date":"2024-01-10T08:58:28","date_gmt":"2024-01-10T07:58:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/letrat.eu\/?p=14721"},"modified":"2024-08-27T03:59:19","modified_gmt":"2024-08-27T02:59:19","slug":"best-one-liners-one-line-jokes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/letrat.eu\/?p=14721","title":{"rendered":"Best One Liners (One Line Jokes)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Best One-Liners<\/th>\nJoke Source<\/th>\nTags \/ topics<\/th>\n1 Line Joke Notes<\/th>\n<\/tr>\n<\/thead>\n
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nBar, money<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah.<\/strong><\/td>\nLorna Rose Treen<\/td>\nRelationships, animals<\/td>\nEnglish comedian. Best joke at Edinburgh Fringe 2023 #EdFringe<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nPeople<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I was raised as an only child \u2013 which really annoyed my sister.<\/strong><\/td>\nWill Marsh<\/td>\nPeople, family<\/td>\nBritish comedian.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I told a girl she had drawn her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nThink twice, people<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
A dyslexic penguin walks into a bra.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nBar, clothing and animals.<\/td>\nThere are many variations on this theme.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I recently replaced our bed with a trampoline \u2013 my wife hit the roof when she found out!<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nPeople, relationships and marriage<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks \u201cHow do I drive this thing?\u201d<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nAnimals, transport<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I\u2019ll never forget what my late uncle said to me, he said, I\u2019m sorry I\u2019m late.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nMacabre, death, family<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I\u2019m not being condescending. I\u2019m too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn\u2019t understand.<\/strong><\/td>\nJimmy Carr<\/td>\nThink twice<\/td>\nBritish comedian.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
So she phones me last night, and says \u201cCome on over, no one\u2019s home!\u201d I got there, and there was no one home.<\/strong><\/td>\nRodney Dangerfield<\/td>\nRelationships<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
It\u2019s hard explaining puns to kleptomaniacs because they\u2019re always taking things literally.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nThink twice, stealing<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
My wife asked me why I was speaking so softly at home. I told her I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening! She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed. Siri laughed.<\/strong><\/td>\nRich Rogers<\/td>\nThe internet, relationships and privacy<\/td>\nTweeted 1 June 2019<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I don\u2019t have a girlfriend, but I do know a girl who would get angry if she heard me say that.<\/strong><\/td>\nMitch Hedberg<\/td>\nRelationships<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I want to die like my Grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.<\/strong><\/td>\nJack Handey \/ Bob Monkhouse<\/td>\nMacabre, people<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Spent the last three days alone trying to learn escapology. I need to get out more.<\/strong><\/td>\nPete Firman<\/td>\nPeople, jobs<\/td>\nEdinburgh Fringe, 2016 #EdFringe<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Did I already tell you the D\u00e9j\u00e0 vu joke?<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nThink twice<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I know a guy who\u2019s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nMotoring, addiction<\/td>\nOne of ADDucation\u2019s favorite one-liners.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u201cWe don\u2019t serve time travelers here,\u201d said the bartender. A time traveler walks into a bar.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nBar, time travel<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Ok, so what if I don\u2019t know what Armageddon means, it\u2019s not the end of the world.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nVocabulary, word play, world.<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
A man walks past a fridge and thinks he can hear onions singing Bee Gee\u2019s songs but on opening the fridge he discovered it was only the chives talkin\u2019<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nFood, music, kitchen<\/td>\nOne of our friend Rachel\u2019s best one liners :\/<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I\u2019m reading a great book about an immortal dog \u2013 I\u2019m finding it impossible to put down.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nAnimals, books<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
What\u2019s the difference between ignorance and apathy? Don\u2019t know, don\u2019t care.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nThink twice<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
A priest, a rabbi, and an imam walk into a bar and the bartender says to them, \u201cwhat is this\u2026 a joke?\u201d<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nBar, religion<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
No one turned up to the first meeting of my Sarcasm Club \u2013 despite loads of people saying how much they were looking forward to it\u2026<\/strong><\/td>\nMilton Jones<\/td>\nPeople<\/td>\nOne of Milton Jones best one liners.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
The first guy who persuaded a blind person they needed sunglasses \u2013 he must have been a hell of a salesman.<\/strong><\/td>\nJimmy Carr<\/td>\nSales<\/td>\nBritish comedian.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Someone stole my thesaurus \u2013 I just can\u2019t describe how angry I am!<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nLiterature<\/td>\nMany thesaurus joke variations<\/a>.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
The worst thesaurus in the world isn\u2019t just useless, it\u2019s useless.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nWordplay, literature<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
The world champion tongue twister just got arrested and was given a really tough sentence.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nTongue twister, language<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I\u2019d rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nBar, wordplay and health<\/td>\nOne of the classic best one liners ever.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
All those who believe in psychokinesis\u2026 raise my hand.<\/strong><\/td>\nSteven Wright<\/td>\nSpecial powers<\/td>\nAmerican comedian<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nWordplay, photography<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I was watching a dog chasing its tail thinking \u201cdogs are easily amused\u201d and then I realized I was watching a dog chasing its tail.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nAnimals, think twice<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I hate funerals. I\u2019m not a mourning person.<\/strong><\/td>\nWill Mars<\/td>\nPeople, death<\/td>\nEnglish comedian. #EdFringe2022<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I\u2019m reading a book about anti-gravity \u2013 I can\u2019t put it down.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nPhysics, science<\/td>\nOne of the best one liners about physics.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
On the other hand, you have different fingers.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nWordplay, body<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
It\u2019s not that I\u2019m afraid to die, I just don\u2019t want to be there when it happens.<\/strong><\/td>\nWoody Allen<\/td>\nDeath, movie quotes<\/td>\nMovie \u201cWithout Feathers\u201d 1975<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Schrodinger\u2019s cat walks into a bar\u2026 and doesn\u2019t.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nBar, physics, science and think twice<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I\u2019ve been happily married for four years\u2026 out of a total of ten.<\/strong><\/td>\nMark Watson<\/td>\nPeople, relationships<\/td>\nEdinburgh Fringe, 2016<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Who designed King Arthur\u2019s round table? Sir Cumference of course!<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nMythology, mathematics and wordplay<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
The past, the present and the future walk into a bar. It was tense.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nBar, grammar and time travel<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that\u2019s four hours of my life that I\u2019m definitely getting back.<\/strong><\/td>\nOlaf Falafel<\/td>\nTime travel, machines, sci-fi<\/td>\nSurrealist comedian. One of the best one liners about time travel. #EdFringe2022<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.<\/strong><\/td>\nSteven Wright<\/td>\nPeople, life<\/td>\nAmerican comedian<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I never forget a face, but in your case I\u2019d be glad to make an exception.<\/strong><\/td>\nGroucho Marx<\/td>\nRelationships, people<\/td>\nOne of the classic best one liners ever.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
The first rule of Tautology Club is the first rule of Tautology Club.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nThink twice<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask.<\/strong><\/td>\nJordan Brookes<\/td>\nThink twice, health<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I\u2019m on a whiskey diet. I\u2019ve lost three days already.<\/strong><\/td>\nTommy Cooper<\/td>\nDiets, drinks<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I haven\u2019t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.<\/strong><\/td>\nMitch Hedberg<\/td>\nSleep, health<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
There are two secrets to success in life. First of all, don\u2019t tell all you know\u2026<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nLife & death, think twice<\/td>\nOne of the best one liners to leave hanging\u2026<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Some people say I\u2019m too vague, but you know how the saying goes\u2026<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nThink twice, people<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Crime in multi-storey car parks is wrong on so many different levels\u2026<\/strong><\/td>\nTim Vine<\/td>\nMotoring, crime<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I got a belt on that\u2019s holding up my pants, and the pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What\u2019s going on here? Who is the real hero?<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\nPuzzle, think twice<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Best One-Liners Joke Source Tags \/ topics 1 Line Joke Notes If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. Bar, money I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was… Lexo →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14721","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-media-extracted"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/letrat.eu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14721","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/letrat.eu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/letrat.eu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/letrat.eu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/letrat.eu\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=14721"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/letrat.eu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14721\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/letrat.eu\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=14721"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/letrat.eu\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=14721"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/letrat.eu\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=14721"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}